Worth Fighting For
by SpeedingCars8
Summary: All at once, the crowd begins to sing, sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same. A Ryan Teresa fic. There are certain people you just keep going back to, she is right in front of you...
1. Holes

**Holes**

_Kneeling on the wet ground, fire glowing behind me, I held Marissa's head in my right hand. She bled from her temple and swallowed lightly. _

"_Wait here, I'm going to get some help, okay?"_

"_No, Ryan, don't go. Stay here."_

_I paused. "Okay." I watched her blink slowly, her eyes unfocused._

"_Marissa."_

_Her expression was fading. Her wet face reflected the street light above us. _

"_Marissa."_

_She blinked slowly. After the last blink she closed her eyes. They didn't open._

"_Marissa." I shook her head lightly. "Marissa." I felt my face heat up with panic._

"_Marissa. No..." I felt her body relax. And then I felt her leave._

I gasped and sat up in a cold sweat. My face was burning and dripping with sweat and the goosebumps on my arms stung. I stared into the dark, and my eyes finally found their way to my clock. 6:03 am.

_The funeral. It's in three hours. _

I pulled the covers off my legs and swung around putting my feet on the cold floor. I looked toward the glass door and saw my reflection. I've never seen myself like this before. My hair is long and gets in my eyes when I blink and I haven't shaved in over a month. I haven't seen any point in anything anymore.

I stood walking toward the counter and tried to maintain balance with my hands against the edge, closing my eyes. Light-headed, I stood there and breathed. Her voice echoed in my head. Every word she ever said. It all stays with me. And I can't erase it no matter how hard I try.

I came back down to earth and picked up my flask, gulping until my throat and chest burned. Until I couldn't feel her anymore.

* * *

-Summer-

I grabbed my purse stuffing it with tissues and money. I threw on some clothes that were just laying on my floor, too lazy to walk a few feet to the closet.

I made my way to the bathroom and opened the bottom drawer of the cabinet. I heard footsteps in the hall and I slammed it shut standing up straight pretending to fix my hair in the mirror. Dad walked in.

"Good morning Summer." You remember what today is, right?

"Of course I remember, Dad. It's Coop. How could I forget?" I said frowning, my body slumping without energy.

"Alright, I'm just making sure. You know you're supposed to wear black…"

"I know Dad. I'm just running some errands and I'll come home in a couple hours to change."

"Alright then." He kissed my forehead and walked out briskly.

I waited until the noise of footsteps and creaking doors faded to silence. I heard his bedroom door click shut.

I bent over again reaching for the bottom drawer. The drawer was half full of transparent orange, white-capped bottles. Less than three weeks ago, the drawer had been overflowing. I'm running low already.

I picked one up, focusing on the label that read, "M. Roberts, Valium, pain medication 50mg tablets." Thank God for crazy step-moms. She's gone anyway. She doesn't need them.

I held open my purse with my left hand, shoving in the small bottles two by two, the last bottle remaining in my hand.

I closed the drawer quietly, my heart racing in fear of my father seeing me. I walked quickly back to my room, closing and locking the door. I opened the bottle, pouring several white tablets into my hand, throwing them all to the back of my throat at once. I painfully forced them down with a big gulp of Captain Morgan I keep in my flask, taking it everywhere I go. Tastes like nail polish remover, but burns my feelings away, and fills a hole…at least for now.

* * *

-Ryan-

After drying off, I started getting dressed. All black. Suit and tie. I'm not cut out for this…still.

_I can't do this._

I have to do this. It's Marissa's funeral.

I pulled my shirt over my head and tugged it down over my stomach.

_I drove fast, finally pulling over to the side of the road, the brakes screeching. I was shaking with anger and fear and stepped out of the car. I slammed the door walking over to the passenger side, my head in my hands. I opened her door, and slammed it repeatedly. She looked at me terrified and crying, her eyes read from drinking too much._

"_This is what my whole life has been like. My mom, my step-dad, my brother. I've dealt with it enough. I don't need the same thing all over again from you," I screamed at her. I'd never seen her look at me that way before. Surprised, scared, and guilty._

"_I'm sorry…okay…okay," she pleaded._

_I sighed, trying to collected myself, softly closing her door again. I walked back to the driver's side and got back in. I sat there calmly but out of breath, just staring ahead._

Why do I have to remember these things?

I got angry, my whole body shook with anger and I tensely screamed and kicked the wall over and over.

I kept taking out my anger on the wall until I felt two small hands on my shoulders. I tried to stay still.

I turned around and Summer pulled me in close to her. "I know it's hard. It's hard for all of us. Just try to stay calm. There's nothing any of us could have done. Otherwise she would still be with us today. You know, you really should go today. She would want you there. And you know she'll be there too…"

I couldn't say anything at all. I just stood there. Summer reached into her purse pulling something out, placing it in my hand. I heard pills shake against the plastic and I squeezed it tightly in my palm.

"Thanks," I whispered.

"Anytime. I told you I found a way to get by," she said softly.

* * *

We all stood around in a circle, shoulders touching. The sky was getting greyer by the minute, and an eerie cold passed through my jacket giving my chills.

_Why doesn't it feel like she's here? I need her to be here with me._

I glanced over at Seth, Summer's small arms around his waist, black makeup in the tears rolling down her cheeks.

But I stood there alone. I crossed my arms and watched the long black box, blurring out the sound of the priest's voice.

_I sat in the swinging seat to her left and after it rose higher in the sky, my heart beat faster. Not only were the people on the ground getting smaller, but I was up there terrified with her. She was mad at me. I needed to fix it. _

_I pressed my eyes shut. "Are you okay?" she asked concerned._

"_Just a little afraid of heights," I struggled to say, my lips still pressing together as I held my breath._

"_Listen," I managed to say, "I really want this to work no matter what, and I'd do anything to make it happen. And maybe we can talk about it more when we get down from here."_

"_If we get down from here," she said sarcastically and laughed._

"_Oh no, don't say that…" I said gripping the bar in front of my even tighter, my knuckles turning white._

"_Well I guess you just need something to take your mind of it then…"_

_My eyes were still closed tightly but I felt her face and her breath in front of mind as our lips touched. In shock, my eyebrows raised and the longer her lips glided between mine, the more I loosened my grip on the safety bar. Eventually I concentrated so much on the high of just feeling her, I completely forgot about the fact that we were stuck in the air, and the car started moving forward again. I let go of the bar, putting my hands on either side of her face. It felt like it would last forever._

I finally zoned back in, and I felt the tears rush to my face. I lost control of my ability to hold it all in. I lowered my head to hide my emotions from all the people around me. I wanted so badly for her to walk up behind me and tell me she was okay and that they saved her and she was never going to leave me again. But knowing that could never happen made me want to swallow all the pills at once, and be able to go find her again.

* * *

I slowly stepped my way to the beach house, drying my eyes with the sleeve of my jacket as I walked through the door. I closed the blinds, not turning the lights off. I walked to the sink, swallowed a few pills and washed it down with some whiskey. I let out a long sigh as it burned down into my stomach. I reached for a folded piece of paper a couple feet away. Opening it, I read again, "We are pleased to inform you that upon reviewing your transcripts and personal essay, we realize that you are an impressive student that we are proud to admit…"

I stopped reading mid-sentence, tearing the letter in three different ways, scattering it across the floor. _College is for the future. And my future disappeared._

I sat down on the edge of the bed and stared around at the empty room.

_There's three in the hall from those pictures in the closet  
_

_Two in the bedroom from that night I lost it  
_

_And one deep inside me determined to stay  
_

_They don't get any bigger but they don't go away  
_

_I pour drink after drink but nothing hits bottom  
_

_I've been on my knees, admitted my problems  
_

_The love that we made still barely an echo  
_

_And I'd try anything for these vacant, hollow  
_

_Holes, in and around me, I keep falling back into  
_

_Holes dig in and surround me  
_

_God knows what I'm going to do to fill in these holes left by you_

* * *

Disclaimer: I do not own The OC or any of its characters. The song is "Holes" by Rascal Flatts.

* * *

A/N: Please let me know if you catch any spelling errors!!! Thanks :O)

* * *


	2. Let Her Cry

**Let Her Cry**

-Seth-

Each family left the funeral separately. So I figured I should go see how Summer was doing. I mean, I grew up with Marissa and we were neighbors for most of our childhood, but she was Summer's best friend since any of us can remember.

I ate dinner with the parents then drove over around 7. It was probably a better idea to give her a few extra hours of grieving time. Not everyone likes to do that around other people.

When I got there, it was just starting to get dark out. I walked up to the door and Dr. Roberts opened it.

"Hello Seth, Summer's in her room." He looked angry.

"I'm sorry, am I interrupting anything because I can always come back lat-"

"No, I'm on my way out to meet Julie," he interrupted me.

He walked past me leaving the door open. I stepped through into the dark hall.

"Summer it's me," I said, hearing my voice jump off the walls and staircase.

There was no answer so I quietly walked up the stairs, the rubber of my sneakers squeaking against the marble. The upstairs hallway was pretty dark too and I felt a cold breeze coming from the open window at the end of the hall. I walked over to it and held the blowing sheers aside to pull the doors shut.

I turned around to face Summer's bedroom and the door was cracked open only about an inch. I peeked in and she was lying down so I tip-toed quietly in case she was asleep.

_She never lets me in_

_Only tells me where she's been_

When I walked over to her bed she looked half asleep and half crying because her cheek was wet. I pulled the blanket back and as I climbed in, I saw some purple spots on her arm and shoulder blade. I was curious. But I had to wait and ask her when she wasn't so upset.

_When she's had too much to drink_

_I say that I don't care_

_I just run my hand through her dark hair_

I spooned against her back and pulled the blanket up to our shoulders. As I moved closer, I ran my hand slowly along her leg and she flinched. I heard her crying and I could feel it in her breathing. I fought off the rush of my own tears.

_Then I pray to God, you've gotta help me fly away_

_And just let her cry_

_If the tears fall down like rain_

_Let her sing if it eases all her pain_

We stayed like that for a while and I couldn't fall asleep. I felt uneasy seeing angry Dr. Roberts and bruises on Summer within the same ten minutes.

About a half an hour later, I started to doze off and got woken up by Summer moving her legs. I opened my eyes just as she sat up and walked across the hall. I saw the light in the bathroom flick on as she pressed the door shut.

_Let her go, let her walk right out on me_

_And if the sun comes up tomorrow_

_Let her be_

I heard the sound of pills shaking against plastic. Painkillers. The sound I've been hearing for over a week now.

_I wanted to look for you_

_You walked in, I didn't know just what I should do_

_So I sat down and had a beer_

_And felt sorry for myself_

I want to help her. I really do. I just don't know how. And I don't want to push her away. Mom's intervention was difficult enough. And I don't think this is the same.

_Last night I tried to leave_

_Cried so much I could not believe_

_She was the same girl I fell in love with long ago_

_She went in the back to get high_

_So I just let her cry_

I sat up and stared at the doorway until she staggered into the room and lay back down, not acknowledging me. It's like I don't notice. It's like I don't exist anymore.

* * *

**Three Weeks Later**

-Ryan-

At about 9:00 in the morning I was woken up by a soft knock on the glass door. I rubbed my eyes and blinked the blurriness away.

"Coming," I said in a groggy voice.

My body was still a little bit asleep so I limped over to the door. I separated two pieces of the blinds to peek through.

_Teresa?_

I quickly let go of the blinds and blinked a few times.

_No, it can't be…she's married…she had a baby…I haven't seen her in over a year…_

"Ryan? It's Theresa, open up."

_Are you kidding me?_

I opened up the door feeling rude for not letting her in sooner. It was pouring out.

"Ryan! How are you?!" She ran up to me and hugged me so hard I almost fell over.

_Whoa take it easy, just woke up._

"Ryan it's so good to see you!" She had such an excited look on her face.

I escorted her in to sit down on one of the barstools near the counter but she sat down on the corner of my mattress instead.

"So how have you been? We haven't talked in such a long time!" She said eagerly as I smiled, trying to hide my thoughts of how random this conversation was.

"Well…"

"I heard what happened. You don't have to talk about that if you don't want…have you moved on yet?"

For some reason I was immediately offended. "Look, if you're back just because she's gone—"

"Of course I'm not! I would never do that. Ryan, I'm here to talk if you ever need it. I never meant to interfere with what you two had. I've learned that people who are meant for each other can't stay apart forever. That's why I couldn't stand it when you left the Cohen's home and school…you were so unhappy."

I didn't have much to say, so I just nodded with a serious look on my face.

Teresa sighed and looked around at the rest of my room. She held her hands together on her lap.

"How's your kid?"

"Daniel is good, he's such a smart kid and he's doing great in school."

"What grade is he in?"

"Well it's pre-pre-school"

"Oh I see…"

"Yeah, he's only about two years old, but he's such a bright little boy. He learns quickly."

I nodded and forced a smile.

I didn't know why I wasn't happy about that. _Did I wish he were mine?_

"How's Eddie?"

She sighed and closed her eyes. "Eddie and I…things didn't work out. He's moved out. He was gone about a year ago. We're in the process of the divorce right now. It's a slow process but it's worth it. And we've already gotten into the habit of him having partial custody. He can only see Daniel every other weekend."

"Oh I'm sorry."

"Don't be. I shouldn't have married him in the first place. And I should have listened to you. You knew he wasn't good for me but I didn't want to listen. I guess that's the way abusive relationships turn out. You don't realize you're in one until you're finally out of it. I just know I'm lucky for finding my way out. After all he's done to me."

"Yeah…you're lucky to even be alive," I said unintentionally.

"I know. It's just so hard because I'm working two jobs and the daycare only keep Daniel for about 5 hours each day. From the time I go to work in the morning until mid afternoon. It's impossible to find a babysitter I can trust, that won't charge me an arm and a leg—"

"I'LL DO IT," I blurted out, making a face at myself. I didn't know what I was saying or what I was getting myself into. I started into space, my eyes wide.

"No Ryan," she kind of chuckled, "You really don't have to do that but thank you. I wouldn't be able to pay you enough. I'm looking for maybe a teenager that's not looking for much…"

"I'll do it for free."

"But won't it interfere with your work schedule?"

"No, I don't work around the time that you need someone to watch him."

"Are you sure? Because if you can't, I'm fine with looking for someone else—"

"I'm sure. It's fine, what time do you need me tomorrow?"

"Really? Thank you so much! He needs to be picked up at around 2 tomorrow. Thank you thank you thank you, I'll call you tomorrow from work to give you the address and some things you'll want to know about Daniel!" She talked so fast I could barely understand her. I followed her to the door and she kissed me on the cheek and left.

As soon as she was out of sight, I picked up the phone and called my boss to tell him I couldn't make it to work tomorrow. I've got chronic diarrhea, right?

* * *

Disclaimer: I do not own The OC or any of its characters. The song is "Let her Cry" by Hootie and the Blowfish.

* * *


End file.
